Going all in.

It was way too early on a Tuesday morning. I had been up all night. By sheer luck, got around four winks of sleep. I was awake every hour on the hour, not with nerves, but with anticipation. I had bizarre dreams. When my alarm finally went off, I got up, got ready, ordered a latte, and started driving toward my testing center. That Tuesday was the day I intended to pass my California Department of Real Estate Salesperson License Exam.

Short story shorter: I passed.

I am now a licensed real estate agent in the beautiful, complicated State of California. But that’s not what I want to talk about. I mean it is, but it isn’t. What I really want to talk about is why, for over twenty years, I avoided taking this test.

I’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit. As a child I wanted to be a fashion designer, as a teen I graduated to interior designer, as a college student I was a design intern, and as a young mom I was a designer for a showroom. Eventually, I found myself in formal church ministry and, likely for reasons I share in a past blog post, this became the ultimate goal. All other work seemed less important than the work I did as a church leader.

Funny though, as I progressed down this path, real estate was my constant companion. Here’s that journey:

I started out as a part-time receptionist at a real estate office. I was nineteen or twenty and in college studying interior design. I had an internship with an internationally known, high-end design firm and very high aspirations. Being a receptionist was literally just a job, except it wasn’t—it was the beginning of my life’s work. I just didn’t know it yet.

I met some incredible people there, some of whom I remain close to today. I observed entrepreneurship first-hand (the ups and downsides). I learned about office etiquette, professionalism, and the client experience. I learned what Broker Tour was (because I created the routes and mapped them…this was when we used actual maps. I know, I’m a dinosaur.) I really enjoyed my time there. It feels strange to say, but for a little while, I wondered what it would be like to go into real estate instead of design.

Eventually, I got married and we planned to move to Northern California so my husband could finish his degree at CSU Chico. I was truly sad to leave, but I was thrilled at the prospect of finding my first design job! I searched for months, I found some interesting design opportunities, but ultimately the timing was wrong. At least that’s what I told myself.

Guess where I found myself: at a title and escrow company.

I started at the title and escrow company answering phones and greeting customers. I quickly moved into a floating support position and found myself doing things like typing title reports, covering for assistants while they were on vacation, pulling copies of grant deeds, and reorganizing closed escrow file rooms. I soon moved into an escrow assistant role and learned the ins and outs of the escrow process. To this day, I’m pretty sure I was our branch manager’s biggest pain in the ass—I asked so many questions.

I eventually found myself in the sales department, building relationships with Realtors, attending local sales and board meetings, organizing educational events, and strategizing with agents. I loved this work, and I was good at it. It was so fun to think of creative ways to help Realtors do their jobs well. A couple of agents suggested I might be a great Realtor. I was truly shocked when in 2006, I was honored as the Local Board of Realtors “Affiliate of the Year.”

It didn’t make sense to me or to my long-term plan of being a designer. I felt like I belonged in the real estate community. I was really good at the work and it turns out, other people thought so too. I didn’t want to be a Realtor—the long hours, unrelenting clients, and unrealistic expectations didn’t appeal. I just loved helping people.

Four years later, when we moved back to our hometown, the housing crisis hit. My transfer with the title company fell through and I had to find other work. Guess who was hiring? An agent at the first real estate office I worked at—so I took that job. I learned a ton, but ultimately it was not a good fit, so I quit. Yes, I quit during a recession. I didn’t say it was a popular decision, but it was a wise decision for me.

I came across an ad on Monster (yup, I told you—dinosaur) for an interior designer. YES! This was my chance to break free from the real estate hamster wheel I was in and do what I was meant to do. I went through a rigorous interview process and after about four weeks, I got a call offering me an opportunity to work at a high-end furniture showroom where my design services would be put to use. They even sent me to training back east. Finally, this was the break I needed.

Sad story: It didn’t last long. The recession set in and while I was on maternity leave, they laid me and others off, eventually closing our location. That hit hard. I looked long and hard for other design work to no avail. It felt like I was either going to have to start over, go back to school, or continue waiting.

While I was waiting, a local real estate agent reached out to me. He and his mom were both Realtors from my receptionist days. I had stayed in touch with them over the years. In our interview, I learned they were looking for someone long-term—someone who would grow with their brand and eventually handle transaction management and client connections. It sounded like a good fit. I ended up working for them from 2009 - 2015.

I loved working with them. They brought out some of the best in me and I believe I made a positive impact on their business. They demonstrated professionalism, integrity, and balance. That was something I hadn’t previously observed in Realtors. They always seemed to be nose to the grindstone, continually available, and there was no evidence of boundaries. Working with this team showed me a different way. Still, I couldn’t see myself committing to real estate. There had to be something better out there.

While working for that team, I also started a direct sales business with the hopes of being my own boss and enjoying the fruits of entrepreneurial life outside of real estate. I was one foot in and one foot out, something I later realized held me back for years. I had the skills and personality to be successful in either industry, but because I kept one foot in both, I never felt free to fully throw myself into either. It was truly a struggle.

This continued for years. We moved again and I continued to work for the team remotely for about two-three years. Eventually, I found myself working on the staff of the large church we attended. It made sense to let go of real estate and pursue part-time vocational ministry and give more attention to my direct sales business. For a while, I felt free. I found great success in direct sales, but only for a while. I still felt unsettled, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. After a few years, I leaned fully into my ministry job and volunteer roles and ministry became my sole focus.

Strangely enough, real estate followed me into ministry. I met a few people at church in the industry. Some of them were regular, involved members of the church community, and others were rarely there—obviously, the latter prioritized their work over getting involved at church (that is the lie I believed for a short time). This view reinforced the narrative I had created in my mind that going into real estate meant I couldn’t have a robust spiritual life (which at the time meant being at church, volunteering, etc.).

It also made it difficult for me to demonstrate genuine compassion toward people who prioritized their work over being involved in church. We could apply this perspective to several other areas: youth sports, community activism, and even being a stay-at-home parent. For a little while, I held a toxic view that if people would just come to church, their lives would be better. For a little while, I had very little compassion.

Obviously, everything has changed. As I got to know parents of kids in competitive sports, I was surprised that some of them had faith that surpassed my own. I also learned that they viewed their time on the sidelines as an opportunity to minister to other families and be involved in the community in a way that brought the light of Christ into otherwise dark places. Eventually, I also came to understand work as a calling—as something we are designed and gifted to do. Our work is also a gift to our communities.

As that thought swirled in my mind, a shift began within me.

So, back to real estate. A little over a year ago, my husband took a job that moved our family to Santa Barbara (I know, so sad, right?). We had some money in savings from the sale of our home, so there was no rush to find a job, but I felt a nagging sense that we would probably both need to work to make living in Santa Barbara work. I wasn’t wrong.

So, guess who was hiring? Yup—a Realtor.

I won’t go into the details of how I found this position, why I accepted the offer, or even what has transpired since becoming their team assistant because I covered that in a separate blog post. What I will tell you is that my views on the value of work have completely changed (for the better). There is a need for Jesus’s followers to passionately pursue careers in the world as an act of love. We are called to work, God places passions within us, and sometimes those things confuse us.

Why would God need me in real estate? There are so many other places I could use my skills and apply my passions. That may be true, but I cannot deny the reality that God continues to draw me back into real estate. Instead of continuing to resist what I now believe are God’s nudges, I am choosing this path.

With the license exam behind me and an incredible opportunity before me to serve others, provide for my family, and increase my capacity to be generous: I’m going all in with real estate.

Does this mean I won’t face struggles as I grow my business—no. Does this mean I can’t continue to pursue the other passions God has given to me, like writing, speaking, and Spiritual Direction—no. Does it mean that my undergraduate work and my seminary education are of no value now—no. Does this mean I have to make up for being in real estate by doing extra quiet times so I don’t lose my faith—also no. Also, that’s ridiculous.

What I believe going all in means is that I am now free to co-labor with Christ in exactly the place I was created for—this work is my ministry. I am now free to bring my light, the light of Christ within me, into the dark corners of Santa Barbara. I am now free to notice that not all places outside of the church walls are dark, but have the potential to be brighter because the God who dwells in me comes with me wherever I go—even as I walk into a home with a potential buyer.

So friends, where might you be resisting God’s nudges? Have you ever wondered why you are continually drawn to something and you’ve made up a story that it couldn’t be God? Are you open to considering the possibility that it just might, in fact, be God? I’d love to hear about it!